Norman Adoption Blog

I have been nervous the last couple of days knowing that this afternoon was the one-on-one interview with Betti, our local social worker. I don’t know why I was so nervous except that I knew this was a meeting to determine and make a judgment on my character and if I am worthy enough to adopt. It is always a little nerve-wracking when you are being personally judged, or at least feeling like you are. Is she going to be looking at my ability as a parent raising David? Is she going to be asking detailed personal questions about my childhood? Is there something in my life growing up that will make her uncomfortable? These were all the types of questions going through my mind.

However, there were two things that helped me keep my head clear from anxiety. The first comfort was knowing that Betti so far had shown herself to be very gracious and very honest. I knew I was comfortable with her the first time we met. She was very easy to open up to and express concerns with. The other comfort came when I relinquished my fear to Christ. Only then did I see the truth. If this is what God has planned for us, what does it matter what the opinion of man would be? God was going to guide our conversation. I just needed to be willing to lean on Him and He would do the rest.

So Betti came today and we settled some other business first. I gave her the papers we had to have signed and our references’ addresses. Then all she had to do was ask, “So what was your life like growing up?” From out of nowhere, it seemed, my whole life story was laid before her. I threw in there my testimony, growing up at Grandma’s house with two older brothers, my dating life, how I met Patrick, life as a mother and staying at home, and my desires for the future. It all flowed as smoothly as possible with a little one year old fussing in my ear for attention or something to eat. Regardless, she thought it went well. She even joked that she didn’t have to ask any questions except the first.

I was very relieved when it was all over. It seemed like the time flew by and yet I couldn’t believe that I had talked so much. I know I was very honest with her and openly shared even my struggles of raising David and being a wife (like not knowing how to teach David and just now learning how to cook for my family! Ha). I am excited to know that the home study requirements are at least half way complete. Patrick will just need to meet with her sometime next week. Then we have one final meeting in which she will go through the house to make sure it is safe and has enough space to house another child. It seems the process is much easier than I thought so far!!

This past Saturday, July 15, was our first home study meeting. We knew it was impossible to make the house look perfect but we cleaned it pretty well anyway. I don’t think either one of us were stressed about this first meeting. After talking with Betti we knew she was going to be the honest, gentle and joyful type. She is a Grandmother and has been doing this for many many years.

The meeting went very well. She basically just came in and sat and talked with us for a little while. She asked us many questions just trying to get to know us and see what it is that made us want to adopt. She did raise one concern that Patrick and I are confused about. She read our application and saw our reply to the discipline question. She said she understands our reasoning and respects the way we worded everything. However, in some countries, like China, spanking is almost a deal breaker.

She has seen so many out of hand parents using spanking too often or harshly. She says it should be a rather infrequent occurrence, which we agree. She was going to check on Vietnam’s standards for us. But what are we to say if it is not accepted? We believe in the usefulness of it and that it is a God given method to teach our children. We do not feel it should be the only or most often used form of discipline. But there are times when it is very necessary, especially those times when the child is putting himself or herself in danger by not obeying. Is it such a taboo today to even admit to wanting to use corporal punishment for your children?

I know every child is different and there are many different ways to discipline them. One may need a strong look while another may need a good spanking. However, like I told Betty, I also understand that you don’t give an adopted child a timeout, locked in their room with the door shut, when they were abandoned. You also wouldn’t spank a child that was physically abused. So I understand exceptions. It will be interesting to see how this will play out later on.

Other than that issue, she gave us some more “homework” to do. We need to get fingerprinted with the police and to sign some more documents. Even today we sent in our contract with Orphans Overseas which means that the fun and games really are about to begin!